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KnightGalahad
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read my profile
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Name: Desmond
Location: California, United States
Birthday: 8/14/1980
Gender: Male
Interests: Watching Anime & Movies, Playing Video Games, Computer Games, Role Playing Games, Collectable Card Games, Hanging out at the Mall, Chatting Online, Reading Comics, Webcomics, Manga & Fantasy/Sci-Fi Stories.
Expertise: Web Design/Development, Being a Noble Person
Occupation: Computer related
Industry: Computers (Software)
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  VGMSupreme
MSN: vgmsupreme@hotmail.com
ICQ:  28106902
Yahoo:  VGMSupreme
Member Since:
4/7/2003
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| Life.... How we life it, how we preceive it. It varies with
different people. Everyone has their own interpretation.
Some people enjoy it, other are searching for it, others just go with
the flow. It is amazing how people just deal with it in their own
way.
Me... I don't know what I do with it. What am I looking for in
life, or am I still looking for life. Am I experience it now, or
do I still need to get out there and do more? Is just going to
work and coming home enough for me? Why am I thinking about this
really? To tell the truth, I don't know really. Everytime I
try to thinking about some to type, my mind draws a blank. It is
as if I can think of the best essay to write, get all the points worked
out in my head, but I can't put it in any form of media
whatsoever. Could be a lack of motivation, which would explain my
constant need for a distraction right now, but why can't I focus.
Could there be something wrong with me? Maybe I have ADHD.
I doubt it, but that is party cause I don't want to be placed on drugs
of any kind for a mental illness. My family is messed up as it
is, I rather not try to follow suit.
What does it mean when you don't know your culture? What if you
did not know all of the social cues that are suppose to be a part of
you. What if you were not sheltered from outside influences, but
were sheltered from your own culture. How would that affect your
personal growth, your outlook on life, your interaction with people of
your same race? What if you thought your culture was not
something you wanted to be a part of, cause you thought it was not
normal to you. Going out to clubs, bumping/grinding, listening to
R&B/Rap/Hip-Hop. Or even family reunions, BBQs, Major sport
event gatherings. I can't relate to any of that. There is
no way to understand how that culture works, and how it plays into who
you are, or even who you were meant to be. Why am I missing those
parts to begin with. Why make it so hard to associate with people
who are suppose to be my 'brothers' and 'sisters'. Is what I am
into a disease, that is corrupting me, making me into the outcast that
I am. Will I forever be aliented from african-americans, meant to
fall into their shadow, cause I am an 'Oreo', or a 'Coconut'. Who
make it such that you can not be different? Society by large
dictates certain factors into the world. What about people who
decided to not fit into the confines of the ruleset of society.
What about those people? Are they also doomed to be in their own
isolated world, forever not obtaining any new friends, or not able to
even make 'real friends'?
Why has it become hard to associate with people out here. I argue
it is partly to my insertion into LA. Technically, I am a
foreigner. I was not born here, nor did I even go to college
here. I had no really prior experience living out here, and
pretty much most of my views of Southern California have been from what
I infer from TV and movies that I have had watched ove time. I
can say that I understand it a bit more now, but as much as people who
have lived here all of their lives. Wouldn't that mean that I
can't really fit into their culture as well as not fitting in the Black
culture? So where do I go. Do I give up who I think I am,
and try to assimilate myself into what I should have been. Who is
to say that I would be better off that way as suppose to how I am
now. Why do I feel like the people I know here are more
accquanties than friends. I am left out, without a wonder.
But that should be ok, cause it would be annoying and interfere to
others if I try to force myself onto others. We should all be
accepting of others, and with that, being patient as well.
Friendship is not something that is formed in a day, weeks, or even
months. If it is, than you are a very lucky person. You
have to be accepting of other people, even with the faults they
have. Do people accept me for me, even with all of the faults
that I have. Through my insecurities..., through my naiveness...,
through my sadness.
Being where I am, it gives me a lot of time to think, but excatly what
I think about is not known, not even to myself. Random thoughts
come flying in and out of my mind, whizzing by like the wind in a
storm. Hard to grasp, hard to nail down. Emotion run
around, even if I look like I am undercontrol, underneath, there is a
internal struggle that rages on. Usually it is one sided... or at
least I think so. Verbally, I don't say much at all, which is
probably why I talk alot when I am out with someone, even when I am on
the job, the need to have a conversation is just too great. I
feel compelled to say something, anything almost. Another thing I
must keep, and always do, in check. There is just something that
must come out. But when I am by myself, I rarely utter two
words. I can go for an entire day not saying one word.
Sometimes it feels comfortable, that I don't need to move my lips for
anything other than eating, yawning, etc. But other times, it
feels like a long awkward silence, but with nothing there to break it,
and with no reason to break it either. Then when a reason those
promote itself, it feels just as wierd suddenly talking, but not having
anything really important to say. Without the reason to speak, or
the topic of conversation to pass on through your lips, what reason is
there for me to have vocal chords?
Social uncomfortability is a common occurance in my life. Dealing
with the struggles of emotions is a everyday battle. Finding
friendship is an everlasting unattainable goal. Finding
'someone'.... a fool's romantic dream.....
What does one do with the feeling of tears if one can not shed? | | |
| *cough* *cough* *hack* Too much dust around here....
*wipes dust away* Great, now it is on my desk and monitor, I have
to clean that too...
Been a long time, but not going to linger on about that. You guys
know the drill by now. Motiviation is running on empty right now,
a good nights sleep should help bring it back to full. Now if I
stop using it all up at work, at the gym, bowling, softball, and other
various things, I might be able to type in this thing more often.
I just realized that some of my posters require me to have a second
person to help. I can not put up my new Street Fighter long-ways
poster cause I can reach to the other side of the desk to put up both
sides of the poster. After I went through all the trouble of
finding and buying poster tape. Plus, I have to drag out every
other poster I have and figure out what I want, and what I am going to
throw/give away. Too much I tell you.
For those of you in the local SoCal area, I will be in the City Bowling
tournaments this weekend, if you care to cheer me on. Oh, you
want to know where it is? Sorry, that will $5.00 for the
answer. :P. I will be at Keystone Lanes in Norwalk.
The Tournament will last for Saturday and Sunday. I have to be
there at Noon both days, and it goes on for a couple of hours each
day. People who plan on being there when I am there, do note that
if you do show up early before we march out on the lanes, we do listen
to the Star Bangled Banner, so be respectful. Of couse I know
none of you would be disrespectful at all, so it is a moot point.
Yeah, I am now back in my bowling league, and in a softball
league. I am the catcher. The league I am in is the Men's
Slow Pitch, so it tends to get a bit easier. However, you start
with 1 strike and 1 ball against you when you go up to bat. This
is suppose to make the game move faster. Also, if you hit two
foul balls after your 2nd strike, then you are considered out.
*rolls eyes* Go fig.
My console games hate me. They have been sitting to the wayside
while I've been in my bedroom with my comptuer. I really need to
set up a wireless cable router so I can bring the laptop into the
living room. Maybe then I can be online with everyone and finally
finish Xenosaga Ep II. I should have finished that by now, if I
actually liked the battle system. One of the few things I sorta
dislike about the game. Sometimes, I stare blankly when my
characters turns comes up, cause I can't think of which patter I am
suppose to start with so I can combo enemies. Oh, I do hate
enemies boosting your boost. ARGH.
I finally watched all of Full Metal Alchemist. Very good
series. Yes, I cried throughout many parts of the series. I
do want to see the movie, cause I would like to see if Ed and Al's
situation can be resolved. The scary part was the last episode
with Dante and Gluttony. *shudders*. | | |
| | You Are 6% Evil |  You
are good. So good, that you make evil people squirm.Just remember, you
may need to turn to the dark side to get what you want! |
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| I have been extrememly tired all day today, but my hard work and
perserverence throughout staying awake has paid off. With the
help of a co-worker, we were able to finish putting together my
bookshelf for my DVDs and books. Now, all I need to do is to get
the books onto the shelf, and I think everything should be
complete. The mattress comes on Friday, and I will soon be able
to sleep in an actually bed for a change. You have no idea how
happy this makes me, compared to Sunday's news that is.
I did call my Uncle back in NYC, and he suffers from short term memory
loss. It took him a while to remember who I was. It was
nice to chat with him, though. He started talking, saying things
like how he would fly out to California to see me. That almost
brought a tear to my eye. He is still as strong as I've known
him. Never really admitting that his is hurt or in pain. I
think that is what I liked about him. Uncle Johnny....
To top that off, I am watching the first season of House on DVD, and I
am loving it. It has been a while since I've watch Hospital
shows, since the last one was ER. House makes it sentimental and
hilarious all at once. I just wish the medical terms were
understandable, confuses me sometimes when I try to pay attention to
the diagnosis.
I am back to getting art commissions again. I think I might
actually run out of wall space before I run out of art to buy.
But now that all that's left is clean up, I should start having the
walls decorated, probably just as the mattress is arriving. My
manly room being decorated in gaming and anime
artwork/posters/wallscrolls, along with some movie posters. I am
hawt! | | |
| I have come to the conclusion that there are no gamers out in LA, at
least none around my age who are in the work force. This is
nuts. Don't even get me start on finding anime groups...
NOTE: I am referring to the working class type people, not any of you
on here whom I already play with, albeit a small subset of my LJ
list. So don't feel offended or pointed out.
I got back from Movie Night with some people from work. We went
to the South Bay Galleria Mall and watched Firewall (Harrison
Ford). It was an ok flick, but it made me realize just how old
Harrison Ford it. I used to remember him from his Indiana Jones
days, and now... it almost brings a tear to my eye. Harrison
Ford, you will always be one adventuring manly man.
I kept forgetting this blasted USB Printer Cable. That's it, I
will pick it up tomorrow. Today I had an excuse. Grandia
III came out today, so I went and pickedi up from EB, and got a clip
compass as a preorder gift. I am not sure if it actually works,
but it is cool to have clipped on this loop on the side of my painter
pants.
I am still on the hunt for a DVD bookshelf, and I think I found a
decent one at Suncoast. I really don't feel like putting things
together again, but I guess I will deal with this since it is for my
DVDs and books that need a home, instead of sitting in boxes. I
really need to finish unpacking...
Anyway, more artwork to commission, then time for bed. | | |
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